Bicycle Race (Queen)

Still giggling...

Divorced male, back in the dating game finds younger, rambunctious chick and proceeds to make her think he is Mr. I-like-to-do-things-outside...

She takes him at his word until the day comes for them to go on a simple bike ride.

She shows up with her bike only to see that what he has is 2- 10 year old Huffy's one guys, one girls, the guy one has rotten tire...the girl one is...purple...and a helmet that is too small...

So...here's where it gets sweet...he doesn't want to let the chick down so he rides the little purple women's bike and the helmet that is too small.

Maneuvering through the green ways of west Knox they run into a pack of snarky teenagers who then sneer and giggle under their breath...he pays no mind...

Then, the hill...it's a big one...she clears it (although she's still a beginner herself). He has a REALLY hard time but won't give up and upon clearing it has to sit down a spell and catch his breath...she giggles uncontrollably and is probably SURE that he will dump her over her obvious lack of manners.

They finally get back to his west Knox box and he throws his helmet off and tries not to make a big deal...

It was a very sweet effort to not just scrap the whole thing...putting his pride aside to keep up and ride the purple bike...sweet sweet sweet...

...and yes he did dump me... teehee

Suicide Blond (INXS)

Every now and then I get in a story telling mood, and we were talking about ex's...and since I don't really have anything that negative to say about most, I thought I would tell about the time I was in college and broke, but for some reason I had dyed blond hair and couldn't afford to get my roots done...
This is where my beau came in...we'll call him Percival...
I was complaining about my big black roots, and what was I gonna do, and he mentioned to me that when he was young and his parents were being frugal his dad would dye his mom's hair blond, and he offered to do mine. We were the type that were always looking for crazy things to get into so it seemed like the perfect little adventure for the evening...
Off to the store we go, and so to make a long story short, I said "okay, put the dye on my part and around my face, don't worry about the rest" so, leaning over the sink that's what he did. Then we proceeded to watch a dvd...I'm thinking he is timing it, he's thinking I was timing it...well, next thing you know he's washing my hair out with this horrified look on his face...My roots around my face and part were the palest shade of WHITE, with this kinda golden-y hair and big black roots in the back and sides...NICE...it was awful, but we were able to laugh, and somehow fix it...I think ole' Percy is still around...hopefully he's timing his next dye session...

The Sweetest Thing (U2)

So, I was talking with someone about the sweetest thing someone has ever done for you, and I had to pause and think of some things. First, it was in the context of the opposite sex, my girls have been wonderful and I am grateful but I'm talking about boys...
It took me back to about 14 or so, or in the words of Sophia in the Golden Girls "Picture it, Cullowhee North Carolina, 1990..."
I was attending Legislature's School for 3 weeks or so the summer before either my Sophomore or Junior year. As kiddos do during Summer Camp, they have their Summer Significant Other, or whatever...anyway, mine was a skater kid with long blond bangs that had to be constantly swept to the side...he was cute...Anyway, no boys were allowed in the girls dorm at any time...However, he had managed to get permission for himself and his posse to come up on our floor and serenade me...he sang "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" which I had never heard of...his back ups did the "we-muh-way"s and it was a great performance. I don't think I realized at the time how special that was...I hope he is doing well and hasn't lost that sweet heart...

Why go home? (pearl jam)

Oh my goodness...still cracking me up...

So I was dating this Eddie Veder look-a-like (while I was in college)who played guitar, and could ski behind the boat on a surf board...and he let me drive the boat while he surfed!

He was so neat, and funny in that he was majoring in art and moonlighting as an airbrush t-shirt artist at the Sevierville WalMart in the summer while everyone was away for summer break.

Anyway, he would come pick me up in Knoxville, and we'd go out in the old city, and so forth...

One night he shows up to pick me up...with TWO other GIRLS with him...WHAT???

Okay, we've kissed and HE had been taking ME out...nothing STAG about it....

Anyway, I said I wouldn't go, and he begged me to go...which doesn't matter because it was STUPID of me to go...

We head down to the old city, and we are sitting at the mexican place, and I'm acting the immature, entitled, spoiled, nasty chick that I am...was...I mean...

Then I spot 'em...My saviour's du jour... The Two Todds!

They played football for UT Chatt and were in town for the summer, and had just walked into my nightmare... I walk over and say "help me", and proceed to tell them the story...after they stop laughing, and stop giving me a hard time for going...they said I could run around with them for the rest of the night, and they'd take me home.

I go over to my little grunge/surfer/pearljam/long hair/guitar playing/lake surfing/menage a' whatever, and said I'd be leaving with my version of "bring-two-guests-on-our-date".

We had a blast because they are 2 of the biggest smart alecs in East Tennessee, and it wasn't long before I forgot my troubles and just had a good time hanging out with my buddies.

..I can't remember, but I don't think me and eddie vedder out again...

The two Todds are alive and well, and living in East Tennessee...I like knowing that they're close by...just in case...

Camaro (kings of leon)

My Sophomore year in college an old high school boyfriend called me up to go out. Well, my bff & I, at the time, were inseparable, so we I said he shoulg bring a friend for her...

They show up to pick us up, and they are driving like...a firebird or Camaro or one of those that I don't think had a back seat...

So they guys said they would sit in the front and crammed us in what was basically the trunk.
I can't believe I went!!!

While we're on the road they said "After the movie we are all going to a frat party, and we are all spending the night there, and we'll bring you back in the morning" HA HA HA HA HA!!! I don't think so...

If my friends in college knew anything about me it is that I do not do Greek stuff, no frat parties...I have only went to what could loosely be described as a 1 frat party...it was my cousins frat house,which has now been raised...I think I went to the demolition party or something...
(**I have nothing against fraternities or sororities)

So we go see Bram Stoker's Dracula...I excuse myself about 20 minutes in and do the payphone thing (because I'm ancient and we didn't really own cell phones back then). I call Garret Stokes who was one of my buds, and I think the quarterback or wide receiver or something for our football team...

He says he's on his way...my saviour...

We are watching the movie when I feel Garret sit down next to me...RELIEF!

After the movie...I introduce him to the poor ole dudes/kidnappers who are 1/2 his size...and then I punctuated the situation by announcing that we were leaving with him, and would not be able to make it to that frat party...

Gallantry is not dead...or it wasn't in 1995...It may have died in the last 14 years tho...

I cross my heart... (George Strait)

I was hanging at the pool with Amy telling stories about my past guys, and cracking up at the stupid things I've done, or said, or that they've done or said...and she suggested (as a few others have as well) that I write about this stuff...I think blogging is probably easier than writing a book or something so...here it goes, my official first boy story...
I've told this one a few times, and let me preface this by saying that I love men, I think they are just fine...this is just a story about what one of them did at that point, in that time, of his life.

My Freshman year in college I met this cute guy at a party, and he asked me out.
He came and picked me up in his cute little mercedes with his farm manure fresh boots in the back floor board. Well I loved the idea of this dairy farmers son, running around in a german automobile, treating it like it was a ford pick up...

Anyway, he wants to take me to see a movie...We get to the theater and rather than getting us tickets he knew some kid usher, and sort of "pushed" our way in. Well whatever, we were like 18, and it was kinda punk rock...well, we go see Pure Country with George Strait in it...I like George Strait okay...and I'm game...until he tells me he's seen it 5 times before he took me and he proceeds to SING EVERY SONG in the movie...IN MY EAR!!!

At this point, I'm still thinking "well, he's quirky, that's cool"...

Then he takes me to Arby's...I like Arby's, we order...then when the food comes, he says he's left his wallet at home...Well, I'm living on campus with no car and $20 weekly allowance so I've got nothing...We have to walk away from the tray of food and hit the road...

We get back to his house, he tells me to "stay in the car" and I scan the scene to figure out why...his dad is on the front porch, in his tightie whities... no joke.

So he goes inside, and is in there forever! and then, comes back out and I just ask to go back to the dorm, but he insists on grabbing some din...he suggests Hardee's (I'm not a fan), but I don't resist, but I ask that we get it to go...

We order, then he takes me and the Hardee's fastfood to a PARKING spot to make out...I'm wanting to vomit at this point...so NO!!! Finally he takes me back...

But that's not all folks...he continues to call, every couple days or so...my roommate screens the calls and over time, they strike up a conversation...Sounding like he WANTED TO GO OUT WITH MY ROOMMATE, I suggested they go out, because he was cute, and maybe she'd have better luck...

It still cracks me up...


I think they did...but I don't remember much else...

So, there is not point to this story or any clever wrap up like on Sex & the City, it's just some funny stuff this guy did...

This is just one of a few stories from my crazy past...and I'll prolly throw one on here every now and again...